Out of the frying pan, into the fire

Monday, March 31, 2008 
Out of the frying pan, into the fire
Current mood:  tired
Category: Life

Hello all, it’s been quite a while since I blogged so there’s a lot to get you caught up on.

Last year was quite a year.  I had cancer and a divorce to go with it.  Although what I went though was terrible, the outcome was wonderful.  I found out what I was made of and I really found out what the people in my life were made of.  It turned out that I have the most wonderful friends and family one could ever ask
for.  The monsters that were in my life just faded away.  I was left with a new  lease on life.  Today I love harder than every, I thrilled with each day that I’m here and most of all I live.

I few weeks ago during a regular checkup I had some terrible news.  Its back. The dragon I slaved has risen from the dead, and its back with a vengeance.  This time it came back in my right lung.  I must say its harder to wrap my head around this time.  The prognosis is very bad.  The doctors are not telling me anything that I want to hear.  I can see the sadness in their eyes when they look at me.  I can feel them preparing to say good bye.  Now that just pisses me right off.  Do they know who they’re talking to?? Do they understand the fire that I have to fight this thing?  They obviously do not.  This will not take me.  So begins my new journey.

After my cancer treatments last year I was very reluctant to get back into my regular routine.  Somehow things like my career, working my ass off to pay bills and get new  things and being away from my  kids really lost their charm.   I spent a few wonderful months getting my strength back and spending time with my kids, my friends and I went snowboarding every chance I got.  I swore off men forever and ended up meeting someone great.  I’m so grateful for every one of those minutes.

Now here I am.  I’m digging in my heals and I’m ready to walk back into the fire.  I want so badly to come out on the other side.  I’ll do what ever it takes.  I’ve been so inspired by the kindness, bravery and strength that I’ve found that we all have.  I also know that we all have the power inside of us to achieve anything.  It is that faith that I’m taking with me.  I have a huge task ahead of me.  I’m just finishing five weeks of radiation.  From what they are telling me this is only treating the immediate threat.  The imminent threat is racing through my body right now.  The chemo that they recommend very rarely works.  I’m undecided on whether I’m going to try it.  I’ve been researching alternatives to this treatment and I haven’t found the silver  bullet yet, but its out there. 

Thanks for spending some time with me.  Next time I check in I will have some adventures to tell you all about.  Wish me luck, I’m heading off to kick some ass!

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